The Calendar Crimes
by Windrises
Summary: The Calendar Man hires the Joker to do robberies on holidays.


Note: Batman is not owned and created by me. This story is dedicated to Bill Finger, Adam West, and all of the wonderful people who have helped the Batman franchise.

The Joker was bored in Arkham Asylum. He was cellmates with the Riddler. The Joker asked "Can't you think of a plan to help us escape?"

The Riddler said "I'm busy trying to solve riddles in various languages."

The Calendar Man broke into Arkham Asylum. He threw a calendar at the guards. The guards weren't scared of the calendar at first, but the calendar had the power to knock the guards outside. The Calendar Man walked to the Joker and Riddler's cell.

The Joker asked "Who's this weirdo?"

The Calendar Man said "It's nice to finally meet you in person Joker. I'm the Calendar Man. I want you to be a part of my great crime plan."

The Joker replied "I'm always flattered that I'm the first criminal to be asked to join in on all of Gotham's crimes."

The Calendar Man said "Actually you weren't my first choice. I asked Ra's al Ghul, the Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, and the Penguin. However they all turned down my offer."

The Joker replied "Hold on there you dude. Don't you know that I'm the most threatening villain in Gotham?"

The Calendar Man said "You're a literal joke Joker, but I was running out of choices."

The Riddler asked "Why haven't you asked me to join in on your plan?"

The Calendar Man said "Well you're not scary at all."

The Riddler replied "I can be really scary." The Riddler tried to use his blanket as a ghost costume.

The Calendar Man said "Joker if you agree to help me with my plan I'll get you out of Arkham Asylum."

The Joker replied "I'll gladly help with you plan."

The Calendar Man stole a key to the cell. He opened the cell long enough for the Joker to walk out, but he locked it before the Riddler escaped.

The next day Bruce Wayne was reading comics. Alfred Pennyworth said "You have a meeting soon Master Wayne."

Bruce asked "Why did you schedule a silly meeting for me?"

Alfred said "You need to work on preparing for Spring charity party."

Bruce replied "But it's weeks away."

Alfred said "But the meeting is one hour away."

Bruce saw the Bat Signal in the sky and said "You'll have to go to the meeting instead of me Alfred. Tell the others I have a batty illness." Bruce got on his Batman costume and went to the top of the police station.

Commissioner Gordon said "The Joker got out of Arkham Asylum yesterday."

Batman asked "Where is he now?"

Commissioner Gordon said "I don't know. He hasn't done any robberies yet."

Batman replied "The criminals usually rob stuff quickly after escaping from Arkham Asylum. I think the Joker has a sneaky plan going on."

Meanwhile the Joker and Calendar Man were in the Calendar Man's hideout. The Joker asked "When will I get to rob something?"

The Calendar Man said "My big obsession is holidays so you must wait for a holiday to come."

The Joker said "There isn't any holidays this week."

The Calendar Man replied "Then Batman is going to have a relaxing week."

The Joker asked "Does the day Spring starts count as a holiday?"

The Calendar Man said "Well it's not as fancy as some other days, but I suppose it counts." The Calendar Man started reading a newspaper and said "Bruce Wayne is having a party on that day. I think you should rob Bruce Wayne's mansion on the day Spring starts."

A few weeks later Bruce Wayne was hosting a Spring party for charity. Bruce said "Welcome to the party everybody. If you donate lots of money to charity tonight I hope you have a great time. However if you only donate a few dollars you'll have the honor of being kicked out. I'm joking, because I know none of you would be greedy."

One of the rich guys whispered "I only donated a few dimes. Bruce is too gullible to know that." Bruce overheard the guy and had Alfred kick him out.

The Joker drove to Bruce Wayne's mansion. He had a helper with him named Katie Satomi. The Joker said "Bruce Wayne has a unhelpful habit of guarding the money that people donate at his parties so I want you to distract him."

Katie Satomi asked "Are you sure this isn't illegal Joker?"

The Joker said "Of course it's legal." The Joker resisted laughing while saying "I would never break the law."

Katie replied "I'm sorry for doubting you Joker. I heard rumors that you were a criminal."

The Joker covered his mouth to hide his big smile while saying "I've never done anything illegal or morally wrong."

Katie entered Bruce Wayne's mansion. Alfred walked up to Bruce and said "There's a woman here who isn't on your guest list."

Bruce saw what Katie looked like and replied "It's okay that she's not on the guest list."

Katie said "Greetings Bruce Wayne. It's good to finally meet you. I'm Katie Satomi."

Bruce replied "It's always nice to meet fellow rich people."

Katie said "Actually I'm not that rich. I wasn't even invited to your party."

Bruce grabbed the guest list and added Katie's name to the guest list. Bruce looked at Katie and said "You have hair on top of your head."

Katie replied "You have hair on top of your head too Mr. Wayne."

Bruce said "I meant to say that you have good looking hair."

Katie replied "Thank you. I'm sure your hair has potential. Just get a new barber."

Bruce said "Do you want to dance?"

Katie replied "I'm not that good at dancing."

Bruce said "Then let me show you how to dance." Bruce started dancing around the mansion. He accidentally danced out the window and fell outside. Bruce started dancing on outside. The guests laughed at him.

Meanwhile the Joker stole a bunch of donations. The Joker said "It seems like Bruce is even easier to distract than Batman. He needs help with his dance moves." The Joker put the money he stole in his car and drove away.

Bruce went back inside and said "Thank you for all of the donations. This has been a great party, but I have something else to do so I'll need you to leave early." After the guests complained for a few minutes they walked out.

Katie stepped outside and noticed that the Joker's car was gone. Katie said "My ride home forgot about me."

Bruce replied "You don't need to worry about that Ms. Satomi. After Alfred finishes cleaning up the party he can give you a ride home."

Katie said "Thank you Mr. Wayne. You're not like most rich people I've met."

Bruce asked "What do you mean?"

Katie said "You care about helping people and having fun more than people."

Bruce replied "Thank you. You may not be rich when it comes to money, but your heart is more wealthy than most millionaires."

Bruce went back inside and said "I know that the Joker was here and he stole a lot of money."

Alfred asked "Why didn't you stop him?"

Bruce said "I figured a criminal would try to steal the donation money which is why I set up a box full of play money. I put a tracker in the box so I can find out where the Joker is. I'm going to go after him."

Meanwhile the Joker drove back to the Calendar Man's hideout. The Joker said "Bruce Wayne was easy to trick. I stole all of the money that the millionaires donated tonight."

The Calendar Man replied "I'm actually proud of you Joker. You're not as foolish as I thought you were." While the Joker played around with glue the Calendar Man opened the box and realized that it had play money in it. The Calendar Man said "You're a bigger fool than I thought you were Joker."

The Joker looked at the box and saw the tracker. The Joker said "Batman probably put this in here so he can find out where I am."

The Calendar Man replied "Then put the tracker somewhere else so he won't come here."

The Joker grabbed the tracker, but the glue on his glove made the tracker stay on his hand. The Joker said "Glue works too well."

The Calendar Man replied "Thankfully I have another hideout."

The Joker asked "Where is it?"

The Calendar Man said "At a closed down calendar store." The Joker and the Calendar Man went into the Joker's car and drove away. The Calendar Man had the Joker throw way the glove that had the tracker stuck to it.

Batman drove to the Calendar Man's hideout, but he noticed that the tracker wasn't working anymore. Batman said "I don't know how to find the Joker now."

After the Joker and the Calendar Man got to the closed down calendar store the Joker asked "When will you let me steal something again?"

The Calendar Man said "You need to wait for a special holiday."

The Joker said "The day school stops for the summer is a great holiday."

The Calendar Man replied "That's not a real holiday."

The Joker said "It's close enough to a holiday."

The Calendar Man replied "Bruce Wayne is having another party on that day. It seems like hosting parties is his real job. You better steal the real money instead of play money."

The Joker proudly said "I won't mess up."

A few weeks later Bruce said "I'm getting worried about what the Joker's plan is. He hasn't done anything in weeks."

Alfred replied "Maybe he retired from crime."

Bruce said "Yeah right."

Katie entered Bruce Wayne's mansion. Bruce said "The party is hours away."

Katie replied "I've been tricked by the Joker. He lied to me about not being a criminal. He's going to try to rob you tonight."

Bruce said "Then I'll cancel tonight's party and lock the doors. Thank you for your help."

After Katie left Bruce asked Alfred "Is today a special day?"

Alfred said "It's the day school ends for a few months."

Bruce said "It seems like the Joker has been waiting so he can do robberies on holidays. I think that he's working with the Calendar Man. Thankfully I know where his hideout would be."

Batman drove to the closed down calendar store. Batman went inside and said "Hi dudes."

The Calendar Man replied "It seems like you found out my plan."

Batman said "Your crimes are easy to predict, because you never do crimes on regular days."

The Calendar Man replied "Only holidays are special enough for crime."

Batman said "Well you're going to be in Arkham Asylum every day of the year." Batman grabbed the Calendar Man and punched him. The Calendar Man kicked Batman. Batman kicked the Calendar Man across the room.

The Calendar Man said "You're strong for a superhero."

Batman replied "That's a very random remark." Batman started punching the Calendar Man. The Calendar Man threw a desk at Batman. Batman grabbed the desk and used it to knock out the Calendar Man.

The Joker said "I'm Batman's scariest villain so I'll easily defeat him." The Joker punched Batman a few times, but it didn't hurt that much. The Joker kicked Batman around. Batman threw the store's empty cash register at the Joker. The Joker passed out.

Batman had the Joker and the Calendar Man sent to Arkham Asylum. Calendar Man was cellmates with Firefly. Calendar Man said "I hope you care about the importance of holiday robberies."

Firefly replied "I just like setting blowing up stuff."

Calendar Man said "Any day you steal something is a minor event, not a holiday."

Firefly said "My feelings got blown up."

The Joker was cellmates with the Riddler again. The Joker asked "Did you come up with any escape plans while I was free?"

The Riddler said "No, but I found out how to solve riddles in several different languages."


End file.
